Wraped up!

So at Christmas and other gift giving holidays I wrap the gifts. Its more fun to watch the kids unwrap them and see the happiness on their faces. I like to keep the surprises hidden its more fun. But I know some people just make piles of gifts. It was suggested to me that i just set out the gifts under our tree, but I decided to wrap them, it took me three nights and yards of paper and 3 rolls of tape. I had way to many gifts for the kids, I filled three trash bags up with torn paper.

I felt it was a waist of time. It might be a good idea to just pile up the gifts and have them in stacks for each kid but their is something about them taring into a wrap gift. Growing up we always had wrapped gifts except for the huge ones like a bike or similar. They would have a bow and some ribbons. I Feel the need to torture myself each year and hide the gifts in colored paper that cost to much to be riped off.

Old Memories My Daddy part 2

A lot of my memories lead me to a new story, they trigger each other. So I might write this way also. Some memories are remembered as dreams. I've dreamed of him being alive. That he would show up at my wedding and walk me down the isle.I have also had many other dreams. A lot of them are of death, not knowing whats to come  I hate surprises. I need to know whats out their.But in reality this is not a dream where I can decide the outcome its real life.But what I hope is their is a heaven and that my dad is looking down and he knows he has grand children and that he also has another child with my mom.

See when dad passed, my mom was about six weeks pregnant with my sister. My mother never had a chance to tell him, she was not even sure yet if she was or not. About nine months later my sister was born. I think my sister has it worse then me. She never got to meet him. She only can see him in a photo. I can only remember him from a photo.

At some point after his passing we moved to a little house. I cant remember much of it, I do know I had a bunk bed and I had the top bunk. I used to love putting all the stuffed toys on top of me and falling asleep. I also knew that our washer and dryer were outside the house. And one day I was walking out their and I managed to step on a slab of wood that had nails on top sticking up. I walked back and forth a few times and step on it enough to get 3 holes in my foot. The part I remember was that it did not hurt, I just left a trail of blood behind me. I was probably 5-6 years old. I still prefer to walk barefoot. Those nails are not the only things I've ever stepped on either.

I remember dad taking us fishing on the piers. Ive never caught a fish in my life. I used to walk on the rocks under the pier and lining the shore. I used to catch the little crabs that hide their. All my memories of fishing with dad are blurred into one trip. What I do remember are parts of each trip that make up on day on the shore.

Old Memories, My Daddy

 I have been wanting to write a book for a long time. About my life. Lots of people I talk to say I've had it hard. A few others have said I have a Jerry Springer life. Lots of my memory is in blocks, one memory will lead me to another one. I feel I have forgotten many things.I plan on blogging some of my memories and randomly posting them. Some day I might put them in a book. This is one of my father, One of many I want to write about him. I cant remember what my father looks like unless I find a picture. He died when I was five years old.

I remember that night well Its one of the only memories I have of my father. I was in my bedroom with my younger brother he is 22 mos younger then me, and my grandfather. I remember my mom screaming, but I'm not sure if she did or not. I know she told me to stay in bed and she got my grandpa up. I just sat their I had no idea what was happening. The rest of my memories of that night are blurred. I think I remember a white sheet, and crying. Then my memory skips to the funeral. I only remember a flag, the one my mom received. The rest of my memories form that time are from photos, apparently we took pictures with my half brother and half sister Olin and Misty. I did not see them again till I was a teenager. The other memories I have of him are from stories that people tell me of him, I then form pictures in my mind of what it must have been like.

Our mind is an amazing thing. I'm sure if I were to remember more of that very night I can drive me crazy. When I do think of my fathers death, it makes me wish he did not die and that he was here. I don't know what its like to have a father he was taken when I was so young. Sometimes I dream or wish that , that night never happened. What I do wish is that he was alive and just decided not to be with is and run from mom. This to me would be mean towards my mom but it would give me the hope that some day daddy will come back and want to see me. But I know he was my dad and I know hes dead and where he is now means he can never come back and see me. My dad was the first person in my memory to have died. He is one of many I miss.