Can't You Hear Me Now

This is a story I am currently writing. I add a chapter every few days. Please check it out and pass it along to your friends. Please fill free to add my blog to you bookmarks. I may even post a sneak peek on here before I add it to wattpad.com.

If you would like me to do a review on your book here I can. I been thinking of doing some. I have read Hundreds of books this year, on wattpad.com and paper back.

New nail color combo

I been experimenting with color combo using the crackle paint. This time its a green undercoat with a matalic orange crackle. I call it the ninja turtle look. It reminds me of the orange turtle. Let me know what you think.

New nail color

I took off the green gliter and now I did a bottom coat of yellow with an orange crackle overcoat.

Holiday Nails

My nails for new years. They have grown out and I dont have time for a fill so I paint them to hide that they need a touch up. I did two coats of pink then toped it with a bluish glitter.

In the New Years

Each year we make goals to try and achieve, this new year I know what I will have achieved. There is the goal of loosing weight, but this time It will be because I will have gotten the gastric by-pass, and yes I know whats involved, My mom had it done over 10 years ago. I start in January with my meetings at Ohio State Hospital. There will be lots of meetings and test and I'm ready for it all.

Next I will be moving into a new place, and starting over again. I cant wait for this.

 I will also be finished with my AA BA in April some time.

 I will also have three out of my four in school and not just day care, My John starts kindergarten in the fall, and the twins will be in second grade(good lord I feel old). Sense we are moving and I'm not sure where this will be exactly I will have to wait to see if Owen will be going to day care or pre school or be home with me.

I also have smaller goals for my family that I have been working on but hope to perfect them and they are to :

Help Penny with her copping skills and impulse control to lower the amount and severity of her fits. Help her with her OCD and try to get her off the ADHD meds. But if we still need meds to help her I wont see it as a failure but as a step to getting her off at a later date.

To teach Owen and Lil John that hugs are more fun then fighting and perfecting our bed time routine so its shorter and works the first time.

I also want to help John reach his goal of reading by the time he starts kindergarten in the fall, he can write say and tell you his ABC's. He can also spell his color words and his full name. He's doing very well in Pre-K.

I think these are all achievable goals as I already have the steps to complete them.

Old Memories My Daddy part 2

A lot of my memories lead me to a new story, they trigger each other. So I might write this way also. Some memories are remembered as dreams. I've dreamed of him being alive. That he would show up at my wedding and walk me down the isle.I have also had many other dreams. A lot of them are of death, not knowing whats to come  I hate surprises. I need to know whats out their.But in reality this is not a dream where I can decide the outcome its real life.But what I hope is their is a heaven and that my dad is looking down and he knows he has grand children and that he also has another child with my mom.

See when dad passed, my mom was about six weeks pregnant with my sister. My mother never had a chance to tell him, she was not even sure yet if she was or not. About nine months later my sister was born. I think my sister has it worse then me. She never got to meet him. She only can see him in a photo. I can only remember him from a photo.

At some point after his passing we moved to a little house. I cant remember much of it, I do know I had a bunk bed and I had the top bunk. I used to love putting all the stuffed toys on top of me and falling asleep. I also knew that our washer and dryer were outside the house. And one day I was walking out their and I managed to step on a slab of wood that had nails on top sticking up. I walked back and forth a few times and step on it enough to get 3 holes in my foot. The part I remember was that it did not hurt, I just left a trail of blood behind me. I was probably 5-6 years old. I still prefer to walk barefoot. Those nails are not the only things I've ever stepped on either.

I remember dad taking us fishing on the piers. Ive never caught a fish in my life. I used to walk on the rocks under the pier and lining the shore. I used to catch the little crabs that hide their. All my memories of fishing with dad are blurred into one trip. What I do remember are parts of each trip that make up on day on the shore.

Old Memories, My Daddy

 I have been wanting to write a book for a long time. About my life. Lots of people I talk to say I've had it hard. A few others have said I have a Jerry Springer life. Lots of my memory is in blocks, one memory will lead me to another one. I feel I have forgotten many things.I plan on blogging some of my memories and randomly posting them. Some day I might put them in a book. This is one of my father, One of many I want to write about him. I cant remember what my father looks like unless I find a picture. He died when I was five years old.

I remember that night well Its one of the only memories I have of my father. I was in my bedroom with my younger brother he is 22 mos younger then me, and my grandfather. I remember my mom screaming, but I'm not sure if she did or not. I know she told me to stay in bed and she got my grandpa up. I just sat their I had no idea what was happening. The rest of my memories of that night are blurred. I think I remember a white sheet, and crying. Then my memory skips to the funeral. I only remember a flag, the one my mom received. The rest of my memories form that time are from photos, apparently we took pictures with my half brother and half sister Olin and Misty. I did not see them again till I was a teenager. The other memories I have of him are from stories that people tell me of him, I then form pictures in my mind of what it must have been like.

Our mind is an amazing thing. I'm sure if I were to remember more of that very night I can drive me crazy. When I do think of my fathers death, it makes me wish he did not die and that he was here. I don't know what its like to have a father he was taken when I was so young. Sometimes I dream or wish that , that night never happened. What I do wish is that he was alive and just decided not to be with is and run from mom. This to me would be mean towards my mom but it would give me the hope that some day daddy will come back and want to see me. But I know he was my dad and I know hes dead and where he is now means he can never come back and see me. My dad was the first person in my memory to have died. He is one of many I miss.

Im getting old , while trying to stay young

September 26 is my birthday and I'm gonna be 29. When I was a little girl I always thought time went to slow all I wanted to do was grow up so I can move on with my life. Now I feel like time went to fast , all I want it to do is slow it down. I was not much of a kid, I did not play much and my idea of fun was watching TV with my family. I was a home maker in training. At 5 I was cooking, in fact I was able to fry chicken and make dishes like spaghetti. This is one of the reasons I love to cook. I Use to take care of my little sister as well. I was like an old soul in a child's body. Now a year away form being 30 I been thinking about how how much I want to be a child again. Kids don't have bills or jobs. The only care they have is whats Santa's gonna bring you , and birthday candle wishes, and pony rides. Long summers, pool time and slumber parties.

Now that I have kids of my own I see their lives pass by so fast. When they were babies I could not wait for them to crawl and walk and talk , Now that they do, I'm always saying sit down and shut up. Hahaha well that's what everyone says. I wish I could turn back the time so I could smell their baby sent again, see the first smiles and the faces they made when I gave them lemons and jello for the first times. Those are the moments you treasure. They are going to be teenagers and young adults before I know it. I have to stop and remember to enjoy the moments and let them be kids. My kids cant cook like I did at the same age, and they have no interest in helping to take care of the younger kids. But they are good kids and they have lots of fun. they are nothing like me but in the same way just like me. Now I can pretend to be young again.

Country Living

This past weekend I was introduced to some country traditions in a small town in Ohio. I had never heard of some of the events they had, but I enjoyed watching it very much. I spent the weekend with my boy friend in his area. All the towns near him are pretty small, If you blink you passed one. Every year they have a Corn Festival to celebrate the harvesting of the corn.

My boy friend John enters his tractors into the festival, and does a things call a tractor pull. I have never heard of seen  this before. I had no idea what I was in for.

This is John on his tractor, he pulled 4th in his division. not to bad but he wanted to do better. He does this every year. I found it interesting, some of the tractors are very old and did a really good job.

Along with the tractor pull their was a variety of other games they played like corn on the cob eating contest, pie eating contest, rolling pin throwing contest. Their were others but lots to list.

Their was also a horse pulling contest where they pulled the same things the tractor but did much better at it. Their was also the huge verity of carnival foods.

I had a awesome time, even seen out house races. Yes thats right out houses. They make them out of things like boxes and plastic and fabric. It was so much fun to watch that I forgot to take pictures.

Choosing Death at the End Of Life

   So I asked someone what should I right about, I had a writers block. He said "Choosing Death at the end Of Life". The first words out of my mouth was wow that's a heavy topic. I see the fight many elderly and sick people give when they are at the end of their life. I'm a home health aid with a Medical Assisting degree. I have seen a few people die. I have not been in the room when they are actively dieing. Death can take a long time, the body goes through many steps before the end. I have seen many of the steps. My job is to keep the patient comfortable. Hospice can be their and they provide the patient with pain relievers and the medication they may need. Most of the care I give is personal, I keep the patient clean and comfortable. If they are still eating then I cook for them, I will also feed them. I provide emotional support as well. I talk with them keep them calm. I will also do house work so the family is not trying to all the work as well. I'm their to make the family comfortable as well.


Some of the questions I get from the family, are how long does dieing take, are they in pain, and few others. Most questions I have to refer them to their Doctor or Hospice. I cant give some of the answers. I'm not a Doctor so I have boundaries. I do have my own ideas on the death process but I keep them to myself. Its not my job to give the family my opinion.

I feel the dieing process takes a long painful time. I don't want to die this way. I hope for a painless in my sleep death. But we don't have that choice. People have the right to choose certain things at their death such as if they want to be resuscitated in the event they stop breathing, this is called a DNR with out one a medical provider has to start CPR. I do think that when someone is dieing and they should have the right to end it how they want to. Fast and painless is what most want. It can take months before its over and most are dehydrated and have not eatin in a week or more. I don't want to die starving. That's not painless in my books. A patient can loose a lot of weight, they loose control of their bowels and bladder. I don't want to die messing in my pants I want to go, clean and painless with a last meal and comfortable. This may sound crude but if you have not seen the death process its hard to judge.

Happy New Years..........Guess what time it is?

OK, so this is the time of year where you are expected to make some sort of new year resolution. Most of us have something in mind like losing a bit of weight or a lot of weight. Getting tan in time for summer, oh and that really sweet bikini you bought last summer and never fit but were determined to make it fit by next summer. Well from my experience dieting after the sweetest and fattiest time of the year is the worst time to start we have had months of holiday parties, treats and good food and great drinks. I don't know about you but it never works for me. So this year my list of resolution is a bit different, Ive tried to list a few things that I know I can do. Most will be just making good habits that will last.

1) I'm gonna eat what I want-----and let my conscious be my guide ;)

2)Bring all the reusable shopping bags Ive collected over the last year to the store so I can actually stop using the plastic ones

3)Grow more of our veggies this spring and summer

4)Finish my degree in Medical Assisting and Graduate with honers and 4.0

5)Save money----yea we all say it but this time I'm determined to do it.

6)Move to a better community

7)Start my nest nursing degree!

8)Continue to keep my positive and up beat attitude

9)Grow my relationship with my Husband

10)And in no certain order but it being on the top of my list(even though is listed last)BLOG more!!

Im at my most fabulous when:

My children are happy and healthy. Ive had a long hot shower where Ive had enough time to shave and wash my hair. When the toys are picked up , Dinner goes off with out a hitch. And I can enjoy the dessert in peace. But if you ask any mom the same question and they are bound to have something on my list as to me on there list.

Id have to say I'm at my most very fabulous when I can be myself and not have to pretend or fake my feelings. When I can be totally honest and don't have to abide by any society's rules. When I can be ME! Its that simple. For me anyways.

Virtual Family's

Many of us moms and some dads have turned to the Internet for advise and support on daily life , health ,and kids. With out the friends Ive meet on line I might not be where I am now. Anytime I had a question there was a entire community that had the opinions and experience to help me. And I'm sure Ive also helped someone.

Some Moms and Dads don't have anyone else they can ask, those personal type of questions and if they did have a support system at home some people just don't want to disclose certain things. But an online community gives someone the option to ask a question without judgment. For instance when a mom delivers her first baby and has a question about breastfeeding or the length of bleeding that can occur. The on line community cant point them in the right direction and even to other website with more info for them, or just give them there opinion and there own real personal experience. On line community's offer so much.

Ive become very involved in the on line community's that Ive joined. Even more recently Ive gotten my share of good advise and help. I'm not sure where id be with out them. I hope to someday meet the family's that Ive known over the four years sense discovering them. I call them all my friends and they are all my sisters.

I saw the best film ever

The only bad part was it was a dream. I had the best dream ever. It had nothing to do with money or love or my kids or family. Strangely enough it was a horror sci-fi film and I was its author. The women did not where high heals a typically trip in the woods. It had a good plot and story line. Noting was predictable, and it was unlike any film Ive ever seen it was the best. It had vampires and werewolves and zombies, giants, elves, and magician. The plot was thickening and things were getting good. Then when I was finally gonna find out what happened to Lisa and if Mr. Mc Greggory and Count Tressa were gonna make it out of the space ship alive, and Von Lichtenstein had Ivory locked in a volt, and and it was getting good I was literally sitting at the edge of my seat...then Guess what happened next...............................................................


Evangline woke me up and asked me for more milk. Now ill never now what happens next.

Ohio Here We Are

Well we are here in Ohio, Columbus to be exact. We have been here for about two weeks now. Its nice so far. The weather has been fare. A little on the cold side but from what I here from the locals this is mild. The kids love our new house , they love the huge yard. The house is small , but looking on the bright side its less to clean. Its cute and charming and has a lot to offer.

We are almost all unpacked and organized, but with four kids who can be organized. So far I think I have done well. I love the area. Its not the wealthy side but its a start. Now we just need to get on the different time, I'm waking up at 9am and going to bed at 12 am , I'm 3 hours off, but hey the kids are to and if I can trick my body into thinking I got to sleep in then I'm all for it.....well great now I'm aware of what my mind was trying to get away with. Now If I can Only meet some good friends.

Moving to Ohio

So we will be moving in March , probably second week of March. Just after the baby is born he / she will be a few weeks old be a few week old by then. I cant wait to move and start a new life. Its gonna be hard and fun. And very exciting.

BIG MOVE

So as a family we all decided to bail out of this house that drains our wallets and is just down right depressing. There was only one place we could decide on as a group. Ohio is our destination of choice. Columbus to be exact.

Sense I'm pregnant and it hard to get a new job and Wait to health benefits to kick in we are staying long enough so I can have this baby here. I'm due Feb 23 , so were aiming the mid of March to move. Or just after my 6 week check up. Yea I know I'm crazy for moving with 4 kids under 4 driving from San Diego to Ohio but it will be the best time to go. During my medical leave that way after a few weeks I can get a new job there.

Iv done the math its 21% cheaper to live there and wages differ only 6% compared to here. So its still 15% more money in our pocket to catch up on what ever we need to. Ive also looked up jobs there that we can get and the wages are Pretty much the same. But housing is way cheaper.

All in all this will be a new beginning for us. And I know after we get settled things will be much better.

So I graduated

I passed my CNA state exam. I was so nervous . My stomach felt like it hit the floor many times. But I did it on the first time all that hard work paid off. Now I'm certified and I'm not just some kitchen worker now. I can have a carer. I'm making a little bit more then I was before. I still don't even no what my raise is. I guess I will find out on my first pay check.

My first shift is Thursday the 3rd. Have no Idea If I have to have orientation again or if I can jump into work. I guess I just have to wait and see. I cant wait to be making some real money, and over time I really need this. This is a good way so finish out the rest of 2008.. I'm gonna rack in as much over time as I can. Have to make some money before this new baby comes.

Got My Dog Out of Jail

I had gotten my dog out of jail yesterday. (pound) She had gotten loose on Wednesday. And no one noticed until later that night. She has a twin sister and sometimes you cant tell them apart. So I'm guessing my husband saw the one and just assumed that they were both there. I went out and had started talking to my neighbors to see if anyone had seen a big boxer. They all had said no. They did not even know we had new dogs. Ive all most had them a year and never let them out to the front yard so no one knew we had them. My mom had talked to one of our neighbors and he had seen her and took her to the pound , he had no idea that she was ours.

So the next day I had to bail her out. But she was not fixed so they said its cheaper to get her fixed there then to pay to have her released UN-fixed. So I had to leave her there a few days till she got fixed. It actually saved me some money she had a hernia and they fixed it for free while they spayed her. The vet had quoted me 500$. So I'm still a believer in things happen for a reason. Now she is home and resting great.

SAN DIEGO FAIR

So the fair is coming to town , and as a family we try to go each year. My kids love it there we see the barn animals, And eat the weird food they have there each year. This year is little different. We each have different schedules and we are finding it hard to pick a day to go. We picked fathers day. The Hubby cant wait to go. On top of that we are broke so we are having have a garage sale the day before. Just to have spending money. Who knows maybe we will sale a lot of things and make a good amount of money to spend more. After all the fair only comes once a year.